We’re Missing Out

We’re missing out.

*warning this article contains a bit of sarcasm and exaggeration and if you aren’t versed in reading sarcasm caution should be taken  😊

I love Jesus and I love people. I also happen to be a twenty-six year-old single female living in one of the most overly saturated pockets of Spirit-filled-Holy-Ghost-loving-fall-out-under-the-spirit kind of people in America.

Why does this matter?

This matters because today I find myself a bit disheartened with this culture I am living in. I find myself as the new girl in town and trying to make friends at twenty-six, isn’t as easy as when I was six. Let’s face it, it was easier to befriend guys back then 😂

Today I find something alarming happening within the Church! Somewhere along the way we stopped desiring friendships; and rightfully so because friendship takes an act of SELFLESSNESS!!!

“No one has greater love [nor stronger commitment] than to lay down his own life for his friends.” (John 15:13 AMP)

Okay, okay, I am cooling down now. I realize that reading text only conveys about 8% of what is actually being said. Text doesn’t convey the over 80% that is nonverbal communication as well as the verbal communication that includes tone and intonation in one’s voice, but please stick with me because my heart is grieving.

Today, I find that when I go to a gathering of believers and I try to introduce myself to a guy, one of two things happens:

1. The guy thinks my friendliness is an automatic sign that we are destined to be together. So now he becomes overly eager and incredibly awkward and in his mind jumps to thoughts of marriage before I even know his last name. 😑
2. The guy thinks my friendliness is a sign that I like him but he already knows that we are not destined to be together. So, he better shut down communication and avoid me now at all costs lest I get the wrong idea and think he is interested in me.

Oy Vey!!!!

I cannot tell you enough how devaluing, dishonoring and even dehumanizing this is to a woman! (Please brothers, I know us women do this same thing and I will get to that, just hear me out.)

When we as believers, man or woman, get into either of these head spaces we are missing out! We are missing out on friendships where we can witness the love of Jesus on display through and to the other person.

For me, as a woman, to look at a single man and my first thoughts be “oh, he’s good looking, nice teeth ✓, tall ✓. He loves Jesus, good! He’s got a job ✓, a car ✓, he’s not living with his mom ✓, blah blah blah ✓” is completely devaluing, dehumanizing, and dishonoring as far as I am concerned. Suddenly somewhere it becomes more about what this man can give me and less about what I can learn from him/give to him as a sister/friend. The man has now become a product, a commodity and this is incredibly unhealthy!

Do you see how we have created an operating system where people have basically become products?

See, I desire for when I meet a man of God, that everything in me would come alive to what the Father is doing in their life! That I would immediately perk up at attention to the Spirit moving in their life and that my desire would be to find out a way to best come alongside them, encourage them and champion them towards the things of God. I want my brothers in Christ to feel of value, not because of the fact that they could potentially be my mate and father of my children 😆, but because they are SONS OF GOD! Made in His image! Fearfully and wonderfully in His likeness and valuable beyond measure!

Now, don’t get me wrong, I want the same for my sisters too, but I feel they have a bit of a better grasp on this sister-sister love in my interactions with them.

I don’t want to miss out! I don’t want to miss out on becoming friends with world changers just because I was too blinded by their sex and my desire for a husband that I missed knowing them for their unique design!

Brothers, I want to apologize for all the times I made you feel less than. For all the times you felt silenced, inadequate, unheard, gawked at, judged, misinterpreted, drooled over, rejected, tossed aside, devalued etc. I am truly sorry; you are worth more than that!

Today, at the age of twenty six, I have by no means “arrived” but one thing I know is that the men who have “brothered” me along the way have been instrumental in healing my heart and helping me see! Do we get it? We are missing out if we are not able to see Jesus’ love on display through our brother-sister relationships.

I can tell you from experience that my past and more brokenhearted self, misinterpreted brothers as pursuers and in turn I lost out on some beautiful friendships because of it.

I don’t want this to happen to anyone!

I believe friendship is beautiful and I have strong opinions that deep friendship is the best grounds for marriage anyways. I know, you may be thinking, “but what about that couple with that crazy prophetic God story?” Listen, I am not saying these things don’t happen, in fact I believe God has given me one of those “crazy prophetic God stories.” What I am saying is that those are rare!  However, what seems to be becoming more rare is male-female friendships and that is honestly frightening to me!

To be quite honest at the end of the day I want to marry someone I am friends with over some crazy, emotionally charged, prophetic stuff (that I could have possibly made up 😬). Because when it comes down to it a friendship that is tried and true becomes one of those unshakeable foundations.

When emotions fade true friendship remains.

Let us not miss out on the presents, the gifts, the treasures, that are around us in our brothers and sisters. Let us take care in the unwrapping and opening process as these gifts are priceless!

Let us love with purpose and intentionality and let us lay our lives, our agendas, down for the sake of friendship.